No CL vs TK today…sorry guys =/ I mean guise =/
So…something just happened. I may / may not have lost a friend due to the cost of a “fatal attraction”. Yeah, that’s all I’ll disclose.
But what I wanted to highlight is this.
About a month or so ago while dealing with the affairs of my heart (yah, love, like, lust, etc) I prayed a prayer in my heart. Prayers are wonderfully dangerous and powerful things if you’re not careful (and even if you are careful, chances are prayers may come around and give you a complete TKO).
In any case, the prayer was (not the exact words, but the same concept):
”Lord, if I’m ever a deterrent or hindrance to Your progress in anyone’s life (and vice-versa) remove me (or them) out of the way. Even if it hurts.”
Remove me…or them…even…if…it hurts…
I really didn’t know why it was said…except for the fact that I really don’t want to be a strain / hindrance to anyone, even with my persistent vices. At that time my heart was flustered, in a mix with varied emotions but that prayer came out (specifically it was for someone in particular who shall remain anon (cuz’ y’all nigz too inquisi-sensi-tivo like that sometimes).
Only for it be activated…with someone else =/
Funny how THAT always works out oh so well. Sigh.
Anyway what’s done is done - it’s a lesson in life we all must face (or run from or defy until it hits us in the face) … Prepare to sacrifice something once you’ve made requests like that to God. There’s a song that said it best…
“…praying is a dangerous thing…you could wind up changed…” (that change inclusive of whatever and however He decides to interrupt, intervene and inject into your life).
I do hope things get better in time (for us both, but mostly the other party - don’t try to over-think this guys). I’m sorry for what happened (if you’re reading this) and hopefully our paths will cross again on better terms. You’re forgiven even though we’re both to blame.
Writing may not make things better for me, but I just hope that these words will help someone else…for His sake (even if you ask Him or not) He will do what’s necessary for His glory. I don’t like it but hey, it’s life (no matter how much I fight or rebel it always comes back).
@2 months ago with 1 note
Well, here it is.
The first in the series of my conversing back and forth in my mind. I hope it ministers, entertains and gives some insight into the person I am (or think I am).
The convo goes between two persons:
CL being me (usually the one with the issues / questions)
TK being the voice of reason / treason (situation dependent)
CL: Sooo…hey there again.
TK: What is it this time kid…a lot’s been going on in your mind lately. If you don’t talk about ‘em you may end up hurting yourself.
CL: Some things are best left unsaid. I’d rather hurt myself than allow others to be hurt because of what’s happening or what’s on my mind…if that makes sense to you.
TK: Morbid but understandable. Anyways you had something to say?
CL: Just thinking again (shrugs). Yes - I’m always thinking. Don’t say it.
More to the point - thinking of love.
TK: Aww, Tophie’s in love. How pathetic *cough*
I mean cute *smiles*
Who’s the lucky girl…girls?
CL: *rolls eyes*
Before you make assumptions, I was using that word in terms of Jesus…sir. Meaning how is it that He loves me, while still flawed, disobedient, human (though I’m a Christian but you know what I mean), etc. I’m always condemning myself, voluntarily or not. My past overshadows me. At times I can’t even praise because of it. You know the drill.
TK: …So you’re NOT in love? *smirks*
Ok, ok fine. Let’s talk about it…killjoy.
Jesus loves us regardless. He hates sin (obviously) but He doesn’t hate us (not an excuse to sin though, I know you’re stubborn at times but I digress).
CL: Shaddap -.-
TK: Hmm…I know you are familiar with all this but the problems lies within you because you’re using (or trying to) use facts to define His truth / His ways.
It can’t be done. Truth defies fact. You’re just gonna have to accept it.
You’re loved: regardless of what happens to you and what you do / don’t do.
You’re unworthy, yet loved.
Formed in sin and will make mistakes, such is the human condition. He knows all this and he still chooses to love you.
Unconditionally: meaning He doesn’t wait for circumstances to be ideal or perfect to love. He does it anyway, and even when others don’t love you (or they don’t seem to), He remains absolute.
Also, I think what’s also happening is that you misinterpret the human perception of “love” vs His supernatural execution of true love…while this is natural, you must utilize faith to counteract this or else you’ll forever enslave yourself to guilt trips and self-condemnation.
CL: Sounds good on paper but…how is it that He loves me and my life (not only my life, but others around me…the ones who claim to subscribe to Him are either suffering or they’re merely “surviving” but that’s another case, or those who just seem to be stuck in this endless loop of sin + setbacks and the like) is so…
TK: I know.
It seems to go against God’s nature to have His people in pain, tension, etc (even though we are sometimes victims of our own choices while His will remains sure for us)…but remember He suffered as we did - heck even until death. Crucifixion is no joke, makes it worse His father turned His back during all this. He was denied by his friend. Three times. Oh yeah, He became a “puppet on a string” for us (not to mention the bleeding and “body art” of epic proportions. Remember that movie?…).
CL: What movie?
TK: You know. THAT passionate movie.
CL: …Oh. *gulp* (thanks Mel Gibson. You deserve a kick in the shin for such a gruesomely awesome display).
TK: Back to the point though. He loves us because He IS love Himself. Simple. Cyaa guh round it. He’s always there, He never leaves even when we run off. Grace (chuckles :D) and mercy are given to us freely (if you only knew how many things could’ve happened to you daily…by the minute). Yet…you crucify yourself?
CL: …WE (who are one and the same) do. Don’t make this only about me…punk.
TK: Excuuuuuuse me sir :/ beat yuh fi beat mi :/
You are right though. I just need to remind myself daily and not be so concerned with what situations / people say or feel.
He loves me…even me…antics and all.
TK: How do I put this…duuuuuuh :p
CL: Shut up v_v
TK: Oh yeah, tek bax wid Word to:
John 3:16, Romans 5:8, Romans 8:37-39, Galatians 2:20, 1 John 3:1 AND SONGS OF Solomon :D
CL: Hol’ on… Solomon? We’re talking about God’s love aren’t we? :/
TK: Well yes…but I’m being assertive and go back to MY earlier question.
Girl? …or girls?
CL: Yuh serious? v_v (though I will admit that there are a few who have qualities that I admire)
TK: Quite. Now spill. (As much as I already know, the readers don’t) :D
CL: Next time I decide to talk to you I’ll let you in on that ‘cuz that’s another story.
TK: Yup. Problem?
Feel free to comment and review. Thank you.
@4 months ago with 2 notes
#tophie love jesus ministry
We’ve all had our share of days / seasons like this. Everything seems to be going against us, plans fall short, pressures arise and it’s like our lives / purpose is either unclear or makes no damn sense (I’ll try not to be TOO free with speech here…but I’m upset while typing this so bear with me).
Then you ask the age-old question. “Why me?” “What am I doing wrong?” “Why are all these things happening / NOT happening to and for me…should I even bother to continue living or trying?”
I’m pretty much at that point again.
Someone full of purpose and talent should be happy and progressing right? Things should be awesome…stable income, profitable career(s), marriage (…don’t say a word) a joyous life must be the daily pleasures of such a person don’t you agree? Yet somewhere along the line that didn’t work out…or at least in the way I’d want it. High school fantasies now rudely awakened by the realities of today’s society - then someone says “faith is the substance of things hoped for…”
Faith? Why bother believing when the offerings of today’s world are little to non-existent? When things go arctic as soon as you become happy or progressing. Black is today’s new white, sorrow is today’s new smile. Misery loves company, and we’ve all slept with her at some point… (some more than most, but I’m getting sidetracked).
I know I’m not perfect. David in the bible was far from it yet still he turned out ok in the end (ignoring that I typed “in the end” …hm). Job was possibly the closest to perfection and he had everything taken away. He complained for a while but God restored him to his rightful place…doubling all he had from before. So the truth is God must have some crazy plan (in our eyes) in order for us to be happy, prosperous people.
No one is too high nor too low for Him to repair…but the way life is these days we sink ourselves so low that we forget. It’s not totally our fault, everywhere you look someone / something is out there to discourage you (someone has more money, more cars, better job, much more freedom than you, etc…). Normally I’d go nuts or go ghost about such things…but for a couple weeks now Romans 8:28 (Go read - that’s your homework) been on my mind and heart…
I say that to say this. God has it in control (though for the life of me, I can’t see HOW He does because everything is just so…uuuugh!! #bleep …yeah). It’s hard to trust in Him but it’s worth it. I’m sounding REAL cliche right now but it’s true. It has to be. He can’t lie because He is Truth. The only thing I’m doing wrong is…
Not believing and having the faith and confidence in Him despite worldy influences / pressure…damn. It was never His fault…only mine.
@1 year ago
I am in utter disgust at your BS and what you have to offer me these days. I can’t only be mad at where I’m living (this is Jamaica…which seems somewhat fair, because most of the problems that affect me are here *and even if it exists elsewhere, it’s not so bad - I think*) but also…sighs…forget it. You’re too damn busy anyway…
Look, I don’t expect you to be perfect but you do have some issues. For example:
People are looking for jobs right? So jobs are offered (yes, I know they still do it) but only ONE problem. “This job requires yadda yadda years of experience blah blah blah phhhhhlbt…” HOW are we who are looking for jobs gonna get experience IF we’re NOT given the chance to WORK and EXPERIENCE what it’s like? Makes no damn sense if you ask me. No experience = no jobs. What a rip-off.
And these days it’s not even necessarily WHAT you know…more like WHO - cuz someone with a bunch of experience / qualifications can be denied easily due to someone “doing a favor for family / friend” (Hmmm) … #smh
I should “thank” you for being such a douche in this area though…else I wouldn’t have thought much more about entreuprenuership these days. Yet one still needs papers to prove themselves.
How do you do that?
Go to school.
How do you get / got to school?
Where do you get a stable income?
How do we get one without experience?
…Would you like some fries with that? (No offence to the food industry folk - a job is a job.)
I’m outta here. When I find something else to rant about I’ll get back to ya…world.
God is gooD…even if you are a pile of dirt and water -.-
@1 year ago